What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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