I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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