Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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