OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
