I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
