Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
