You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
