Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
