Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
