he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
