dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
