This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
