Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
