I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
