No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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