Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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