Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
