I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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