Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Cold hands, warm shart.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
