I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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