He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
