I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
