I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
