so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
