As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
