can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
