I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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