is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
