This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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