I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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