I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
