i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
