Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
