This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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