i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
God, I missed his penis.
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