i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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