She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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