That's when you crack a 10am beer
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
