just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
