Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
