I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
