I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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