haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
