Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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