Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
