Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
