honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
