What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
