Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
