I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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