does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
