they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
