On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
