i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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