chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
